"Blessed be those who have no idols" #11/777

Ever try to find yourself? It's kinda hard work.  Everyday millions, if not billions of people across the world are in the never ending search for finding out who they are.  Not what they do, what they know, who they love, but who they really are.  The question of meaning and purpose of why we're here will never end.  The cool thing is, there is no answer.  It's a quest to consistently be curious.  To always ask questions, and to be open.  It can take people decades to answer this question, if they ever do.
These people are easily recognizable in life.  The confidence they show is unprecedented. An attitude towards life that is rarely seen.  The few percent of the world that has answered this question are the lucky ones.  They are the ones who teach, who lead, who organize change and reform.  They are truly the role models for this scared society of ours.
It can be a religious leader, a teacher, a friend, a student, or an enemy.  Title's don't matter to these people anymore.  The label of how they put food on the table means nothing to them.  They have found try happiness, and they found it in solitude and consistency.
My professor today walked into our classroom 10 minutes late and asked us to set all of our belongings on the floor.  The man is very knowledgeable and interesting, so I didn't question his motives, I just set my books aside.  He started to talk for the next 90 minutes on teachers and their role in our society.  He explained how a teacher should be aware of who they are, and what they are actually teaching.  A book can be read, and a test can be taken, but this does not show true knowledge of a certain subject matter.  Instead, being able to understand the larger concept in life.  Knowing that a "subject" does not have a start or a finish.  It blends in with everything we do in life.  One subject melts into another, and another, and another, until you reach the subject of life.  The reason we are here, and why we want to learn.  I understood this like I have nothing else in my life.  I realized not to try to be someone I'm not, and not to try to live up to somebody else's standards.  You will NEVER be that person, so it's probably better to start your own adventure sooner, rather then later.
Remember the notorious W.W.J.D. bracelets? Lord, did I hate those things.  Even being a Christian believer, I never grasped that concept.  Sure, it is a great idea to think in the mindset of a peaceful individual, but you will NEVER be Jesus Christ.  Wondering what someone else would do is just foolish, wonder what YOU should do.  It could help you find true meaning in life, and really reveal your true colors.
It's just food for thought, nothing more nothing less.


"When searching for your soul, never ask someone to help." - Teroki Matsyuhatmu

#9/777: I'm breaking out. You have acne cream?

I've had a weird day to say the least.  I don't really know what to think of it all, but I'm so blessed to be where I am, it's allowing me perspective on the bigger picture. I'm still a self-centered selfish person, don't get me wrong, I don't want you to think I'm conceited and better then any other person.  Hell if you really know me, I think it's the last thing that goes through your head.  But as I had an opportunity to just sit and reflect, I realized how far I have come in the past year.  I'm fucking proud if it.
When someone is talking to you, they are feeding you information.  I never wanted to hear any of it.  Good, bad, or indifferent just stop talking so I can go back to doing what I was doing.  That was my whole problem.  What I was DOING.  Me, me, me, as the cliche goes.  Family had no shot of me listening, (I heard them, but I didn't pay attention). "Friends", fuck I didn't care about there relationship problems, or even there opinion of a CD we were both interested in. School, lets just not go there this time.  I won, school lost.  Priests and pastors, sorry guys I acted like I was paying attention, but I was just looking over your head at the clock.  You didn't expect me to pay attention for an hour about God, when I could be out smoking a blunt, did you?  Sorry, I was pretty good at manipulating others.  If the sky was blue, I could convince you it were green.  You probably knew I was full of shit, but accepted it (for anyone who took that load of crap, I really am sorry).  I don't want to take it back though.  All of that prepared me for so much more then I ever realized.  I found out you can only tune someone out for so long until they either disappear or lose interest in your relationship. Talk about being hurt, ha.  You tried for so long for people to do it YOUR way, and you finally realize how much you actually missed out on.
I don't do that anymore, I'll listen to you if you're a 10-time convicted criminal with a plan to create a time machine (it'll happen!), or a Harvard professor who is giving a lecture on string theory. Just be nice to the other person and respect their time, you just might learn something.  I was in a 4 hour lecture this morning when I heard my teacher talk about his tips for investing.  He never once mentioned money, only happiness.  I realized that is business.  Business doesn't deal with money, accounting does.  Numbers only show how happy you are.  The bigger the number doesn't mean the happier you are.  Watch the numbers history, look for any major fluctuations in them, I bet something happened to you during that time.  The numbers just let us recollect what someone has achieved or brought to you. Want to be successful in business, then don't listen to this.  You need numbers to make it work, and a steady cash flow, sry folks its just life. I just think it's funny how you can go around all your life with your head up your ass thinking you know everything, when really you haven't heard anything.
I had a friend who was like a brother to me at one point.  I screwed up our friendship, and we didn't talk for a while.  I called him a few months ago and apologized, and he accepted it.  I don't know why he did, there was no reason to, but whatever, I'll take it!  We both left the area we grew up in and continued to have conversations about truly pointless things.  Its hilarious though, you need a good laugh in your day.  In a mindless rant, he brought up a personal issue that was racking him.  In the next hour and a half I talked 80% of the time.  Nothing but pure, honest advice.  He was thankful for me listening, as we hung the phone I questioned that.  Dude, I just talked for 80 minutes.  The 10 minutes he talked was like unraveling a life story. I knew the feeling, so I told him how I handled it.  I guess that's what they call listening.
Then I met a girl who was really troubled as a child.  Nicest girl I ever met.  Guys joke about how their girls just ramble on and on.  Stop and listen.  I never did, so sorry for the relationships I screwed up.  You weren't special or different.  You never had anything wrong with you (probably?), I just didn't care about you.  I would cry if I said that a year ago, Its weird how I don't get choked up trying to even type that, I know I was selfish.  I took advantage of as many girls as I did guys (no I'm not bisexual idiot), I just wanted to do what was fun for me.  Here we go again, another girl with issues who looks pretty and you're just smiling because you want to move this conversation into a bedroom. WRONG. I listened, and you know what?  Be proud of what you've become.  So many people have struggled for so many reasons, and even if you suffered in your life, you're still here aren't you?  God didn't remove from this earth yet, so you had to of done something right along the way.  She really made me think about saying how someone made you feel a certain way.  Bullshit.  It's not possible for them to do that, you made it that way.  Grow up, learn, and move forward.
That's kinda harsh though, some things really do hurt for a while.  Maybe the longer it hurts the stronger you get?

I know, that's just nonsense.  (So is revealing online you have a slight 3rd person narrative, and switching randomly to a do-it-yourself instructor in 1000 words.) Just stop thinking about yourself for a second and dedicate your time to someone else.  You'll do more good then you ever imagined.

Quote of the post: "If you keep talking in my ear while I'm trying to sleep, I won't have sex with you for a month. Love you, night." - Anonymous