#9/777: I'm breaking out. You have acne cream?

I've had a weird day to say the least.  I don't really know what to think of it all, but I'm so blessed to be where I am, it's allowing me perspective on the bigger picture. I'm still a self-centered selfish person, don't get me wrong, I don't want you to think I'm conceited and better then any other person.  Hell if you really know me, I think it's the last thing that goes through your head.  But as I had an opportunity to just sit and reflect, I realized how far I have come in the past year.  I'm fucking proud if it.
When someone is talking to you, they are feeding you information.  I never wanted to hear any of it.  Good, bad, or indifferent just stop talking so I can go back to doing what I was doing.  That was my whole problem.  What I was DOING.  Me, me, me, as the cliche goes.  Family had no shot of me listening, (I heard them, but I didn't pay attention). "Friends", fuck I didn't care about there relationship problems, or even there opinion of a CD we were both interested in. School, lets just not go there this time.  I won, school lost.  Priests and pastors, sorry guys I acted like I was paying attention, but I was just looking over your head at the clock.  You didn't expect me to pay attention for an hour about God, when I could be out smoking a blunt, did you?  Sorry, I was pretty good at manipulating others.  If the sky was blue, I could convince you it were green.  You probably knew I was full of shit, but accepted it (for anyone who took that load of crap, I really am sorry).  I don't want to take it back though.  All of that prepared me for so much more then I ever realized.  I found out you can only tune someone out for so long until they either disappear or lose interest in your relationship. Talk about being hurt, ha.  You tried for so long for people to do it YOUR way, and you finally realize how much you actually missed out on.
I don't do that anymore, I'll listen to you if you're a 10-time convicted criminal with a plan to create a time machine (it'll happen!), or a Harvard professor who is giving a lecture on string theory. Just be nice to the other person and respect their time, you just might learn something.  I was in a 4 hour lecture this morning when I heard my teacher talk about his tips for investing.  He never once mentioned money, only happiness.  I realized that is business.  Business doesn't deal with money, accounting does.  Numbers only show how happy you are.  The bigger the number doesn't mean the happier you are.  Watch the numbers history, look for any major fluctuations in them, I bet something happened to you during that time.  The numbers just let us recollect what someone has achieved or brought to you. Want to be successful in business, then don't listen to this.  You need numbers to make it work, and a steady cash flow, sry folks its just life. I just think it's funny how you can go around all your life with your head up your ass thinking you know everything, when really you haven't heard anything.
I had a friend who was like a brother to me at one point.  I screwed up our friendship, and we didn't talk for a while.  I called him a few months ago and apologized, and he accepted it.  I don't know why he did, there was no reason to, but whatever, I'll take it!  We both left the area we grew up in and continued to have conversations about truly pointless things.  Its hilarious though, you need a good laugh in your day.  In a mindless rant, he brought up a personal issue that was racking him.  In the next hour and a half I talked 80% of the time.  Nothing but pure, honest advice.  He was thankful for me listening, as we hung the phone I questioned that.  Dude, I just talked for 80 minutes.  The 10 minutes he talked was like unraveling a life story. I knew the feeling, so I told him how I handled it.  I guess that's what they call listening.
Then I met a girl who was really troubled as a child.  Nicest girl I ever met.  Guys joke about how their girls just ramble on and on.  Stop and listen.  I never did, so sorry for the relationships I screwed up.  You weren't special or different.  You never had anything wrong with you (probably?), I just didn't care about you.  I would cry if I said that a year ago, Its weird how I don't get choked up trying to even type that, I know I was selfish.  I took advantage of as many girls as I did guys (no I'm not bisexual idiot), I just wanted to do what was fun for me.  Here we go again, another girl with issues who looks pretty and you're just smiling because you want to move this conversation into a bedroom. WRONG. I listened, and you know what?  Be proud of what you've become.  So many people have struggled for so many reasons, and even if you suffered in your life, you're still here aren't you?  God didn't remove from this earth yet, so you had to of done something right along the way.  She really made me think about saying how someone made you feel a certain way.  Bullshit.  It's not possible for them to do that, you made it that way.  Grow up, learn, and move forward.
That's kinda harsh though, some things really do hurt for a while.  Maybe the longer it hurts the stronger you get?

I know, that's just nonsense.  (So is revealing online you have a slight 3rd person narrative, and switching randomly to a do-it-yourself instructor in 1000 words.) Just stop thinking about yourself for a second and dedicate your time to someone else.  You'll do more good then you ever imagined.

Quote of the post: "If you keep talking in my ear while I'm trying to sleep, I won't have sex with you for a month. Love you, night." - Anonymous